Sunday, February 27, 2011

Mock-Heroic Story

Once there was a boy, whom of his siblings he was the younger,
Who was sitting in his room alone when he began to hunger.
He decided it was time to eat a sandwich,
So large and hearty, his stomach it would enrich.
But there was a problem here,
Yes, as he entered the kitchen it became quite clear,
There was no sandwich already made,
His culinary prowess must be displayed!
He gathered his courage and opened the refrigerator;
He would show his hunger who was greater.
The meat, the mayo, and sliced cheese too,
Upon the counter these things he threw.
With wheat bread and lettuce he was prepared,
To face the famine against which he was squared.
He unsheathed his blade: a butter knife!
He was determined to end his hunger; to save his very life.
Grasping the mayonnaise in his mighty grip,
He spread it upon the bread like waves beneath a sailing ship.
The next ingredient was the sliced cheese,
Which he placed upon the sandwich with expertise.
Next he gathered lettuce green as the Emerald Isle;
Truly this would be a meal worthwhile.
The meat was ham fresh from the corner deli,
He could hear the roaring from his belly.
He lay down the final piece of bread with his work nearly complete,
His hands nimble like cat's feet,
He plucked an olive from the jar,
And to his hunger said “Au revoir!”

Here is a story I wrote for my AP English class as we read the Canterbury Tales.


Thursday, February 24, 2011


No John...


Quod est inferius est sicut quod est superius, et quod est superius est sicut quod est inferius.


Sunday, February 20, 2011

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Evolutionary Advantages

Today, I started making a list of qualities that I look for in potential long-term relationships. One of the most important things on my list is that she has the ability to cook well. I don't mean that in a sexist sort of "I'm going to make her cook because she is a girl and that is what girls do" way. In fact, I would have no problem with doing the majority of the cooking. The problem though, is that I am a terrible cook. It's one of those talents that I really wish I had, and if we ever had friends or family over to visit, it would be enormously embarrassing to serve them my terrible food, and so I need someone there who can make a quality meal on special occasions.

So to all of you females who have been stalking me--and I know there are plenty of you--start learning to cook, sing, play music, dress nicely, and become an adventurer.


Friday, February 4, 2011

Occam's Razor

Throughout my time as a student and editor for a student publication, I've found verbosity to be the most imperative issue for amateur writers. Whether frequently imposed word-amount requirements or nonconstructive analysis is the culprit, I'm not sure; however, it is the most detrimental issue to quality writing. The general sense that a particular piece of writing is "good" comes from--not diction, syntax, or grammar--but rather the content. "Fluff," as verbose writing is often called, when examined out of the context of the writing can appear to be very thoughtful and creative, but when placed back into a particular piece where the same idea has already been conveyed several times though in different forms, the writing loses quality from the redundancy. Length, it seems, is often mistakenly assumed a demonstration of intelligence, though a person who talks a lot doesn't always have a lot to say.

Ernest Hemingway wrote a short story entitled Baby Shoes, which he considered to be his greatest work. Consider the content-to-length ratio in his story:

"For sale: baby shoes, never worn."

Succinct. Powerful. Emulate that.


Thursday, February 3, 2011

Snowmageddon Snowocalypse

School is canceled for the second day in a row.

"Like an April day in Chicago" says the speaker-man.